This is what Ivy League grads do best.

Name: Andriy

Major: Physics with math concentration

What I do all day: Consult

What I would rather be doing all day: Playing soccer, making out

Where I found this job: College career center

Why they hired me as opposed to hundreds of other overqualified Ivy league grads: Because they are trying to hire all of us with deep furry unibrows–that means we are serious, mean business, and are ready for the competitive corporate landscape.

Best part about being employed: Getting to live close to the Brooklyn Public House, counting down until it’s appropriate to leave the office

Worst part about being employed: Not having enough time to ever go to the Brooklyn Public House, getting a project just when you’ve finished said counting down

Heartfelt advice to your jobless friends who may have been freeloading off of you for months: Go to grad school before your brain rots!

If you would like to be featured in the weekly Why I Have a Job column or know someone who would, holla.