Better start stocking up on your groceries now

grocery shopping

Soon food will be so expensive that you'll be able to buy a house with approximately 587 lemons.

You know how sometimes when you contemplate the world ending, you think about how you’ll be able to run to the stores before everyone else and start buying random food items in bulk you’d never actually eat unless zombies attacked your city and you really couldn’t leave your apartment again? Well, its sorta like that now. Continue reading

“Getting a child into the Ivy League starts in nursery school”

toddler shapes

Yes, anything that allows me to post nom nom baby photos is catnip for this blog.

Duh. These are the wise words of Nicole Imprescia, who is suing her elite Upper East Side preschool for not adequately preparing her 4-year-old for elementary school exams that obviously are a gateway drug to college admissions. Continue reading

Even Celine Dion is not immune from the recession’s grasp

celine dion world tour

Celine Dion is returning to Las Vegas with a mod tribute to Old Hollywood, complete with a 31-person orchestra. But Las Vegas went through a brutal recession after she left in 2007 and is recovering from the crash. Gone are the Cirque du Soleil-style theatrics that saw Dion harnessed to a cable and flown in the air during her first show at Caesars. Instead, she will sing her hits and other unexpected tunes. [BusinessWeek

Having no job is apparently not as bad as having a really shitty one

miserable at work

I can think of one man who would make the perfect example for this theory.

In today’s somewhat but barely uplifting news, a recent study of over 7000 Australian people showed that a “badly paid, poorly supported, or short term” job can be as bad, if not worse, than being unemployed.

This may seem self-explanatory, but to anyone who’s ever known the feeling of being on your last box of pasta and really struggling to remember what it’s like to wear normal clothes or have conversations with people that aren’t deliveryman, it’s worth a reminder that, like in love, you shouldn’t settle for a job that just isn’t that into you. Continue reading

Sucks being unemployed right now

unemployed sign

“Generally speaking, all the data seem to suggest that if you already have a job, the labor market probably doesn’t seem so bad, but if you’re looking for a job, there’s been almost no job market improvement over the last few years,” Michael Feroli of JPMorgan Chase wrote in a note to clients. [NYT]

Now would be a good time to dust off that Ivy League degree

columbia graduation 2009

That's me and my blurry friends at our Columbia graduation in 2009, completely unaware of the employment shitshow that comes with a liberal arts degree in a recession. (Photo courtesy of Amari Hammonds!)

In a story yesterday, CNBC.com asked a question I’ve been posing on my blog for the past year and a half: Are Ivy League diplomas still worth the price of admission?

Newsflash #1: You can get the same education elsewhere. But according to the article, when it comes to getting a job, your smartypants brand name can’t be beat. Continue reading

In recession, hiring is like an exhausting search for “the one”

will you marry me

Will you take me to be your lawful employer to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until a better salary do us part?

You would think that having legions of overqualified, unemployed overachievers would make filling a job that much easier. Not so, says the Wall Street Journal. Apparently, hiring managers have become a tad greedy, what with all the thousands of sad resumes pouring in smelling of sweat and desperation, screaming “GET ME OUT OF MY PARENTS’ BASEMENT.” In fact, some companies are taking four times as long to fill their positions, because they’re “holding out for better candidates.” Continue reading

Guess who’s “winning” all the way to the unemployment line?

charlie sheen

Nothing about that face screams unprofessional, raving lunatic to me...

After threatening and/or accidentally shooting countless women (and former wives), flaunting his nonchalant public cocaine use, insulting his executive producer with anti-Semitic epithets, starring in his own SNL spoof, and potentially endangering all tigers in the process, the public breakdown of Charlie Sheen has led to its inevitable conclusion: Hollywood’s most expensive bad boy is officially fired.

Luckily he already has some backup plans worked out. Sheen set a Guinness World Record for drawing over a million Twitter followers in one day and has signed with ad.ly to get paid for his rambling tweets. And he’s also looking for a #TigerBloodIntern. You have until Friday to apply.

Why the new 8.9% unemployment rate is a big fat lie

pinocchio

At this rate, the economy will never become a real, live boy.

“People think unemployment is going down, but if it’s just because people are giving up, it’s a little misleading,” says Marisa Di Natale of Moody’s Analytics, an economic research firm. “Over the past few months in particular, much of the decline in the unemployment rate is because the labor force has declined so rapidly.” [NPR]