Nothing says victim of the recession like "I can't show my eyes in the promotional photos."

In case your life seems miserable enough already, there’s a new Showtime reality show that will put things into perspective! The sex-selling network took HBO’s premise of Hung (a hot, well-endowed single dad sells his ginormous god-given gift to make a living in the recession — surely a story for our times!) and applied it to real people, Real-Housewives-style. And as the NYT‘s Alessandra Stanley notes, Gigolos does not make for the most uplifting television. Rather, it just leaves you with the sad stirrings of “an unsettling desperation.”

Brace, the oldest in the group, sports spiky, bleached blond hair and a Boehner-orange tan. He has already seen the expiration date in the mirror and is trying to find investors to help market the anti-aging product line he calls Ageless Nutraceuticals. He is a sad case, but so is Steve, a failed model who has a 5-year-old son and claims he sells himself to cover his child support.

“I would do anything for my son,” he says with a sickly smile. “Anything, and anyone.”

So if you’re one of those people that likes to wallow in jobless self-loathing while stuffing pizza in your face in between sips of wine (you’re depressed, okay?!), you can watch the show’s premiere tonight at 11 and feel good about yourself again. You’re welcome.