The rumors are true: I went and got myself employed!

out of businessYou may have noticed crickets chirping and tumbleweeds rolling by on this eerily quiet blog. And many of you have guessed that the unthinkable happened and I got a job.

Ladies and gents, it’s true. You’re looking at a fully-employed Ivy League grad with benefits yo! It only took two years and a career switch.

If any other unemployed Ivy Leaguers want to take the helm of this little blog that could (and it would be a pity to waste 150K total page views since inception), please email me at Ivyleaguedandunemployed@gmail.com.

Keep on keeping on!

About these ads

Student loan debt prevents America’s youth from ever getting married

woman screamingHow’re things going? Having a great day? Maaaaybe you shouldn’t read this post then.

I’m basically going to defer to the overwhelmingly depressing stats in the New York Times of Gloom for this one.

Student loan debt outpaced credit card debt for the first time last year and is likely to top a trillion dollars this year as more students go to college and a growing share borrow money to do so. Continue reading

Economy forces men to prostitute themselves for money

gigolos showtime

Nothing says victim of the recession like "I can't show my eyes in the promotional photos."

In case your life seems miserable enough already, there’s a new Showtime reality show that will put things into perspective! The sex-selling network took HBO’s premise of Hung (a hot, well-endowed single dad sells his ginormous god-given gift to make a living in the recession — surely a story for our times!) and applied it to real people, Real-Housewives-style. Continue reading

Breaking: Your unemployed spouse is basically killing you

arguing at work

No, that is not where you left the effing stapler, OKAY?!

Have you found yourself more overloaded at work than usual, arguing with co-workers more often, or feeling a general dissatisfaction with the work you’re producing? You could maybe chalk it up your terrible boss, or even more terrible coworkers, or even MORE terrible assignments. But do you also happen to have a laid-off partner? Well then, the Journal of Applied Psychology suggests that’s where the real blame belongs. Continue reading

Better start stocking up on your groceries now

grocery shopping

Soon food will be so expensive that you'll be able to buy a house with approximately 587 lemons.

You know how sometimes when you contemplate the world ending, you think about how you’ll be able to run to the stores before everyone else and start buying random food items in bulk you’d never actually eat unless zombies attacked your city and you really couldn’t leave your apartment again? Well, its sorta like that now. Continue reading

“Getting a child into the Ivy League starts in nursery school”

toddler shapes

Yes, anything that allows me to post nom nom baby photos is catnip for this blog.

Duh. These are the wise words of Nicole Imprescia, who is suing her elite Upper East Side preschool for not adequately preparing her 4-year-old for elementary school exams that obviously are a gateway drug to college admissions. Continue reading

Even Celine Dion is not immune from the recession’s grasp

celine dion world tour

Celine Dion is returning to Las Vegas with a mod tribute to Old Hollywood, complete with a 31-person orchestra. But Las Vegas went through a brutal recession after she left in 2007 and is recovering from the crash. Gone are the Cirque du Soleil-style theatrics that saw Dion harnessed to a cable and flown in the air during her first show at Caesars. Instead, she will sing her hits and other unexpected tunes. [BusinessWeek

Having no job is apparently not as bad as having a really shitty one

miserable at work

I can think of one man who would make the perfect example for this theory.

In today’s somewhat but barely uplifting news, a recent study of over 7000 Australian people showed that a “badly paid, poorly supported, or short term” job can be as bad, if not worse, than being unemployed.

This may seem self-explanatory, but to anyone who’s ever known the feeling of being on your last box of pasta and really struggling to remember what it’s like to wear normal clothes or have conversations with people that aren’t deliveryman, it’s worth a reminder that, like in love, you shouldn’t settle for a job that just isn’t that into you. Continue reading

Sucks being unemployed right now

unemployed sign

“Generally speaking, all the data seem to suggest that if you already have a job, the labor market probably doesn’t seem so bad, but if you’re looking for a job, there’s been almost no job market improvement over the last few years,” Michael Feroli of JPMorgan Chase wrote in a note to clients. [NYT]

Now would be a good time to dust off that Ivy League degree

columbia graduation 2009

That's me and my blurry friends at our Columbia graduation in 2009, completely unaware of the employment shitshow that comes with a liberal arts degree in a recession. (Photo courtesy of Amari Hammonds!)

In a story yesterday, CNBC.com asked a question I’ve been posing on my blog for the past year and a half: Are Ivy League diplomas still worth the price of admission?

Newsflash #1: You can get the same education elsewhere. But according to the article, when it comes to getting a job, your smartypants brand name can’t be beat. Continue reading

In recession, hiring is like an exhausting search for “the one”

will you marry me

Will you take me to be your lawful employer to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until a better salary do us part?

You would think that having legions of overqualified, unemployed overachievers would make filling a job that much easier. Not so, says the Wall Street Journal. Apparently, hiring managers have become a tad greedy, what with all the thousands of sad resumes pouring in smelling of sweat and desperation, screaming “GET ME OUT OF MY PARENTS’ BASEMENT.” In fact, some companies are taking four times as long to fill their positions, because they’re “holding out for better candidates.” Continue reading

Guess who’s “winning” all the way to the unemployment line?

charlie sheen

Nothing about that face screams unprofessional, raving lunatic to me...

After threatening and/or accidentally shooting countless women (and former wives), flaunting his nonchalant public cocaine use, insulting his executive producer with anti-Semitic epithets, starring in his own SNL spoof, and potentially endangering all tigers in the process, the public breakdown of Charlie Sheen has led to its inevitable conclusion: Hollywood’s most expensive bad boy is officially fired.

Luckily he already has some backup plans worked out. Sheen set a Guinness World Record for drawing over a million Twitter followers in one day and has signed with ad.ly to get paid for his rambling tweets. And he’s also looking for a #TigerBloodIntern. You have until Friday to apply.

Why the new 8.9% unemployment rate is a big fat lie

pinocchio

At this rate, the economy will never become a real, live boy.

“People think unemployment is going down, but if it’s just because people are giving up, it’s a little misleading,” says Marisa Di Natale of Moody’s Analytics, an economic research firm. “Over the past few months in particular, much of the decline in the unemployment rate is because the labor force has declined so rapidly.” [NPR]

For a select few, the recession is a major turn-on

piggy bank in love

What? Pennies can be very erotic you know.

Economic setbacks like unemployment or mortgage woes are linked to big declines in marital happiness, but a minority of married Americans say the recession has deepened their commitment to their spouse, according to a new report. [NYT]

Honey, I’ve never felt happier than cooking canned soup with you. Spending nights in total darkness to save on electricity and selling my finest jewelry to barely keep the mortgage payments coming keeps me grounded and gives life a new meaning. I’m so much more fulfilled spending every hour together since we both got laid off. I’ve learned so much about you, like that cute little face you make when you fart silently and the peculiar, fungus-like odor your socks give off after not showering for days. I’m truly blessed and I can’t believe it took us going on welfare to realize that!

Recession forces people to get intimately acquainted with their stoves

1950s woman cooking

"Oh why hello there, Mr. Oven, I'm just hanging out here saving money and looking all domestically hot and stuff"

Readers of this blog already know that more Americans are carrying flasks around than they are embarrassing themselves at expensive bars. You may have also noticed this little thingamajig called Groupon, LivingSocial, or any of its less famous stepsisters that never make you want to leave the house unless it’s for 50% off the nearest restaurant. Combine these two social phenomena and sooner or later you have a trend piece about more people cooking in than dining out. Let’s break down the SHOCKING reasons why. Continue reading

Why that college degree collecting dust in your parent’s attic is worth even less now

stressed student

All those hours of studying yourself into an oblivion instead of having friends was totally worth it!

The unemployment rate for college graduates may not have risen as much as for less educated workers, but it’s still increased significantly — more than doubling, to 4.8 percent, over the last three years. [NYT]

One surprising profession is having a fabulous year

johnny depp pirates

Check your local ports and prisons in case they may be recruiting!

Pirates captured a record 1,181 hostages in 2010 — almost all of them off the Somali coast. “More people were taken hostage at sea in 2010 than in any year since records began” in 1991, said the annual report. [AP]