Breaking: Your unemployed spouse is basically killing you

arguing at work

No, that is not where you left the effing stapler, OKAY?!

Have you found yourself more overloaded at work than usual, arguing with co-workers more often, or feeling a general dissatisfaction with the work you’re producing? You could maybe chalk it up your terrible boss, or even more terrible coworkers, or even MORE terrible assignments. But do you also happen to have a laid-off partner? Well then, the Journal of Applied Psychology suggests that’s where the real blame belongs. Continue reading

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Recession causes sex slump epidemic for British men

couch potato

Can't wait to get a piece of this action, eh ladies?

Stop the presses! Hold the mayo! Ring some sort of bell of the apocalypse!

Are you ready for this? Are you sure?

Okay, you’ve probably never read about anything like this ever before. So maybe sit down, grab a brewski, and exhale a few times. Continue reading

85% of you are going to have a curfew again

moving back with parents

Hey guys, I'm baaaack!

Are you a recent grad who can’t afford to pay your own rent? Or a young adult who got laid off and can’t find another job? Congratulations! You’re part of a majority.

Sky-high student debt and minimal job opportunities create a perfect storm for young adults, and will force an estimated 85 percent to return home this year after graduation, according to projections from Twentysomething Inc., a young adult consulting firm.

This is not news anymore, but the numbers are pretty staggering. And in your favor. So feel free to kick back and relax on Mom’s old sofa while looking up porn job hunting. Now that over three out of every four kids are going to be living at home, you have nothing to be ashamed about. This is what our generation does. Whip out your moleskin, write some agitated poetry about being forced to eat brussel sprouts for dinner, then go out on the town and try picking up girls with their own apartments. Ride out this recession in the warm arms of your parents, who love you no matter how many futile resumes you’ve sent out.

We lucky grads get to be called a “boomerang generation” because apparently, we remind old people of flying wooden sticks. Either way, this year will be about “finding yourself” and maybe learning how to balance a checkbook while Daddy pays your rent. Don’t despair! This could be the time you’ve been waiting for to start on that novel or photography project you’ve been talking about for years. Heck, you could even start a blog with all your free hours.

So, fellow unemployed who have been moving home in droves, say goodbye to your independence and hello to warmly cooked meals for the next year or so. Thank god the recession affords you another year to putz around on someone else’s bank account.

A list of stats to recite for your condition while rolling your eyes are after the jump. Continue reading

How to date in the recession without revealing your inner cheap ass

jessica rabbit

Experts say hiding certain unseemly qualities, like say passing yourself off as Jessica Rabbit in your pofile pic, will help you find a life mate one day.

The recession has given love a particularly hard time these past few years. (See “Reason #468 why the recession is ruining your love life“). And a few months back, in a clever ploy to get people to remember who they are, online savings bank ING Direct surveyed 1,000 people on which words would come to mind if someone was fixing them up on a blind date with someone described as — god I almost vommed typing this — “frugal.”

Shocker: only 3.7% found that sexy.

Now as someone who has professed her willingness to marry a total stranger for his health insurance benefits, I probably shouldn’t comment on this. But anyway, 15% picked “boring” and 27% chose “stingy.”

Concerned by these sad statistics, NYT money columnist Ron Lieber decided to ask some random online daters for advice. How do you avoid the dreaded F-word? The answer, another shocker: Do what you do regarding everything else in dating profiles. Lie. Continue reading

Wait, househusbands may not be the golden ticket young girls always dreamed of

prostitute

This is your unemployed hubby on his "job interview."

Earlier on this blog, we extolled the kickass scenario some lucky wives find themselves in: due to the recession, male breadwinners have become unemployed househusbands who take care of the kids, cook dinner for you, clean the apartment, and help you kick off your stilettos after a hard day of work.

But according to a recent study on infidelity, men who are financially dependent on their wives and live-in girlfriends are five times more likely to cheat than those who made the same amount of money.

Before you throw your pay stubs in your deadbeat husband’s face, you should remember that cheating is still a rare occurrence, the head researcher told NPR’s health blog. Continue reading

Reason #468 why the recession is ruining your love life

recession love

Can I have those love letters in real gold, please?

Here at Ivy Leagued and Unemployed, we are big on noticing recession trends thanks to all those nifty google alerts we’ve been getting on the topic for the past six months. And believe it or not, the media loves describing how unemployment affects your romantic dalliances. Let’s recap, shall we?

1) Applying to jobs on Craigslist sometimes feels like a sexual harassment case waiting to happen.

2) Being unemployed makes for really awkward meeting-the-parents fodder.

3) The economy is to blame for clingy relationships. And for shamed bankers turning to illicit affairs.

4) The recession has made young adults regress into high school living scenarios (hi mom!).

5) Lengthy unemployment leads to way more bad decisions (aka bad sex).

6) But no one wants to sleep with the unemployed anyway. Unless you have to because you can’t afford a divorce anymore.

7) And in this weekend’s Modern Love, we learn what happens when two people fall in love in the strange fairy-dusted land known as unemployment: mainly, the love runs out almost as soon as the weekly check from the government. Continue reading

4 reasons why you should never sleep with the unemployed

jessica rabbit

Something tells me she is the antithesis of what you will find in the jobless dating pool.

A few weeks back, Nerve.com decided to get sex advice from the unemployed. I know it’s tough to keep those standards up when you can barely afford the drinks necessary to meet (and potentially sleep with) strangers, but I really can’t see how this was at all beneficial for those interviewed. Here are four things I gleaned from the piece about the sexual misadventures of the jobless.

1) The unemployed are so insecure about not having a job that you can’t even ask them what they do as a topic of conversation. Continue reading

Is the recession causing you to cling to your partner?

money marriage

All a marriage needs is flying wads of cash.

Money is an awkward thing in relationships, which is why it’s hard to believe anybody’s dating anybody in this economy. In fact, however, the opposite is true. The NYT reports that the recession has resulted in tighter bonds with your loved one (often whether you like it or not).

A spouse is more likely to depend on health care from a spouse, or on in-laws to help finance a mortgage or to assist with child care. And the ones who are hanging tight are retrenching and redeveloping an appreciation for time spent together.

All the more reason to listen to your elders and get married for the financial benefits! Continue reading

Recession making young adults regress into awkward high school living scenarios

dating at home

Um, hi mom.

Did you move back home after college? Congratulations! You are part of a new recession trend!

According to the Pew Research Center, about 20 million people ages 18 to 34 live at home with their parents — roughly 30 percent of that age group. That’s up from about 18 million, or 27 percent, in 2005. Roughly one-third, or 35 percent, of boomerang kids said they had lived independently at some point in their lives but had to move back in with their parents. About half of the grown children worked full- or part-time, while 25 percent were unemployed and 20 percent were full-time students.

And here’s the kicker:

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, a smaller share of 16- to 24-year-olds are currently employed — 46.1% — than at any time since the government began collecting such data in 1948.

Data released earlier this year showed that older Americans will make up virtually all of the growth in the U.S. work force in the coming years as a nearly unprecedented number hold onto jobs and younger people decide to stay in school.

So for all of us getting a slower start on our careers, paying our bills, and other trappings of the adult life, at least we know we’re not alone.

David Morrison, president and founder of Twentysomething Inc., a marketing and research firm, told the AP: “Young adults are the first to feel the brunt of a bad economy and the last to feel the benefits of a recovering economy. So the first way you hedge your bets is to minimize your expenses.”

At least the stigma of living with your parents is sort of neutralized now that everyone‘s doing it.

So the economy is also to blame for keeping bad marriages together

wedding2

It's hard to tell behind the plastic, but those vows of love have become vows of shared health insurance.

According to a press release, more than half of the respondents to the latest survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) are citing a drop in divorce filings during the current recession. In all, 57% of the attorneys have noted fewer divorce filings since the last quarter of 2008.

“The current economic climate is proving to be far more unforgiving than estranged couples seeking a divorce,” said Gary Nickelson, president of the AAML. “Forced to weigh damaged marriages against tight budgets and uncertain financial outlooks, many spouses seem more willing to try and wait out the recessionary storm.”

Great. So you’re stuck living that schmuck  just because you can’t afford a way out. This might be sadder than the weight gain.

Then again, I would not mind a quickie marriage for some health benefits. Just saying.